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An Update on Coming Out

03/21/2021

Well, if you follow me on twitter or BigCloset Topshelf you’ll already know this, but I figured I shouldn’t neglect the rest of you.

Coming out was… interesting. My plan yesterday was to email my mother and my father when he got off. It didn’t exactly happen that way. My father still doesn’t know, but well, I’ll figure out when the best time is.

After my mother read my email, she called me some things were said and we talked for over two and half hours. That may actually be the longest phone call I’ve ever been in. I don’t want to get into too many details, but suffice it to say the entire conversation left me very, very frustrated. After getting off the phone with me, she called a friend with a gay daughter who seems to have pushed her into a more positive direction and afterwards she called me back and apologized. I’m encouraged by this, but as with all things, time will reveal what will come next.

Everyone have a deliciously devious evening,


 
Featured image credit: Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office. License.

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A brief update

10/16/2020

Well, I’ve taken a huge step forward in my journey of self-discover, several actually. I’ve been dressing en femme at home. I have found it to be a deeply fulfilling experience and it’s driven home my desire to transition. On that note, yesterday I had an appointment with a doctor who prescribes HRT by informed consent and I am now on my second day of hormones. I couldn’t be more excited.

I came out to my brother and sister-in-law yesterday, and while I would say they were both surprised, they are very supportive. The entire phone call actually seemed a little anti-climatic since I had built it all up in my head and they were very calm and collected about the whole thing. It really warmed my heart to have such a wonderful response. I don’t hold out hope for the rest of my relatives. They are far, far more conservative , but I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Well, bad news and good news. I didn’t make it as far along with Fall of Kruhl as I would have liked. I was sick until Tuesday (thankfully it was not covid!) and the rest of the week has been pretty eventful.

My computer suffered a small bit of hardware failure. It’s all rather complicated, but basically there is a component that caused some issues. My storage drive would show up in the file explorer, but I was getting errors like ‘the specified folder could not be found’. Some files didn’t get saved to the drive, including the files to Fall of Kruhl and I lost some of what I had written before it could be backed up. I did manage to save some of it with some quick thinking, but unfortunately I lost several paragraphs worth of text so I’ll need to rewrite that. This weekend will be pretty busy for me, so the story update may get pushed back until next week. It all depends on how much I can get done today.

While this is a total bummer, it hasn’t really affected my overall mood. I’m still super giddy about starting HRT.

Everyone have a deliciously demented weekend,

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Two Months In

08/27/2020

Wow, has it really been two months since my revelatory little blog? Geesh my how the time flies! I just wanted to again thank all the ladies who’ve reached out to me and offered their support, it really has helped me pull through what has been some really challenging times.

It’s been a strange experience for me to say the least. Recognizing that I have these feelings and at last coming to accept it has been a very surreal experience. I’m still very much in the closet, but I’ve been seeing a counselor and this weekend I’ll be moving some place where I’ll be a little more free to begin exploring. My new roommates are very open-minded and seem like very lovely human-beings.

I’m learning a lot about myself and have allowed myself to express thoughts and feelings I never would have entertained before. As soon as I posted that blog, it was as if someone had flicked a switch in my head. I never really felt particularly inclined toward wearing feminine apparel or cosmetics and now the idea is very appealing.

On other positive note, I’ve lost over sixty pounds in the last eight or nine months and my momentum doesn’t seem to be slowing down. I’m more conscious of my health and now that I’ve accepted that I’m trans, my weight-loss has become all that much more important.

Some of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook may know that I’m working at getting some of my stories up for sale on Amazon with the help from the lovely ladies at DopplerPress. As such, those that I do end up publishing will be pulled from here or other sites. If you wish to save a copy of my stories now, I have no qualms with that, but I do hope that you will chose to support me when my stories show up on Amazon. Do know that whatever goes up for sale, will be much more polished than what I share here.

I’m still debating whether I will continue to serialize my stories, or if I’ll publish them directly to Amazon. At the bare minimum, I will finish sharing The Fall of Kruhl here. I don’t believe it’s fair to go this far without letting you read the rest.

On one final note, there will be no Kruhl this weekend. I do have a story part almost completed, but with the move I won’t be able to finish it off, least of all edit it.

I hope you all are having a delightfully demented night,

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Thank you all!

07/01/2020

I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who reached out to me with my ‘coming out’. My anxiety has hit me harder than it has in years and your kind words and support have helped me find the strength to keep going. I am truly heart-warmed by all your responses!

Everyone have a delightfully demented evening,

Daniela Wolfe

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A Coming Out of Sorts…

06/27/2020

This is really difficult for me, but it’s been a long time coming. Even posting this in the tg community, where I know I will find support, I worry about backlash, but I really need to get this off my chest. Though, I’ve confided this information to a few people to the larger tg community via personal message or email, I have kept it hidden from the community at large. So, here goes…

You know when I first got involved with TG community, I was convinced my interest in tg was just that an interest and nothing more than a fetish. Even back then I was uncomfortable actually calling it a fetish, my interest never really seemed all that fetishy to be honest, but I really had no better term for it. Certainly, there is a sexual element to my stories, but it didn’t define them.

The more and more I delve into my own past and really explore different themes with my writing, the more and more I come to the conclusion I may actually be trans.

I’d had doubts for a while, but I think they finally came to a head after one particular event. It happened when I felt a surge of jealousy when being helped by a pretty girl at a local eatery. She wasn’t attractive enough to grace the pages of a magazine or anything, but she’d had a certain sort of girl-next-door charm to which I’d always been drawn. I remained polite to her, as these strange new feelings seethed under my calm facade. Her service was exemplary and I left a perhaps too generous of a tip, largely because I felt guilt for the uncharitable thoughts I’d sent her way. As I was leaving I found myself uttering a single sentence that shook me to my core.

“You don’t know how lucky you are.”

The girl seemed confused and I didn’t really stick around to explain myself. I never returned, convinced, however irrationally, that she must have figured out what I’d meant.

I had an interest in tg in general at least since grade school, but I had neither a name for it nor a notion that there were others who might share said interest. I remember checking out this book in sixth grade from the school library and sneaking it home so that I could read it. It was the only book in the series that I ever touched and truth be told I was rather disappointed that it didn’t explore the switch more in depth. I found the notion of becoming a girl very interesting and… I was afraid that if my mother discovered I was reading it, she would use it as ammunition against me (I didn’t exactly grow up in a very happy home).

I recall dreaming that I was a girl in my early years, though most of these memories are pretty vague, I do recall having them. To this day, I only recall one of them in much detail, and even then I only remember that it involved me wearing a dress and wig to church.

The problem is, I don’t really feel the level of dysphoria I’ve heard described by most trans-folk. Sure, I’d prefer to have been born female, but I don’t I hate my male body per se, I just feel like I should be female. There seems to be a disconnect from what my body is and what it feels like it should be, but it’s not a strong overpowering feeling. It’s just there.

I’ve written a number of stories with actual trans characters, (not just characters transformed into a female, but ones who felt they should have been one to begin with) and though I haven’t admitted it until now, these trans characters have really been allegorical for my own struggle to define my gender identity.

I have been speaking to a therapist on these matters, but at the moment I don’t feel it’s really helped me define where exactly I stand as far as being trans. Truth be told, if it came down to it I’m not really sure I’d want to transition, even if I were given the choice. I live in a very conservative area and I fear the effects such a thing would have on both my career and personal life. That being said, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I’m not going to be a woman in the real world, I can at least present as one online.

So as of this moment, I am no longer calling myself Daniel A. Wolfe, from this moment forward, I’d prefer you call me Daniela A. Wolfe and use female pronouns. My web address, danielawolfe.com actually works pretty well with the new shift, though I do need to do a little feminine flair in light of this change. Certainly my site logo and description need a little updating, but I think I may actually throw in a splash of pink to the site design to celebrate.

I don’t know where this journey will take me, but I hope I’m on the right path.

As always have a delightfully demented night,

Daniela A. Wolfe