Archive - 06/27/2020

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A coming out of sorts…
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The Fall of Kruhl | Ch 13 Pt 1

A coming out of sorts…

This is really difficult for me, but it’s been a long time coming. Even posting this in the tg community, where I know I will find support, I worry about backlash, but I really need to get this off my chest. Though, I’ve confided this information to a few people to the larger tg community via personal message or email, I have kept it hidden from the community at large. So, here goes…

You know when I first got involved with TG community, I was convinced my interest in tg was just that an interest and nothing more than a fetish. Even back then I was uncomfortable actually calling it a fetish, my interest never really seemed all that fetishy to be honest, but I really had no better term for it. Certainly, there is a sexual element to my stories, but it didn’t define them.

The more and more I delve into my own past and really explore different themes with my writing, the more and more I come to the conclusion I may actually be trans.

I’d had doubts for a while, but I think they finally came to a head after one particular event. It happened when I felt a surge of jealousy when being helped by a pretty girl at a local eatery. She wasn’t attractive enough to grace the pages of a magazine or anything, but she’d had a certain sort of girl-next-door charm to which I’d always been drawn. I remained polite to her, as these strange new feelings seethed under my calm facade. Her service was exemplary and I left a perhaps too generous of a tip, largely because I felt guilt for the uncharitable thoughts I’d sent her way. As I was leaving I found myself uttering a single sentence that shook me to my core.

“You don’t know how lucky you are.”

The girl seemed confused and I didn’t really stick around to explain myself. I never returned, convinced, however irrationally, that she must have figured out what I’d meant.

I had an interest in tg in general at least since grade school, but I had neither a name for it nor a notion that there were others who might share said interest. I remember checking out this book in sixth grade from the school library and sneaking it home so that I could read it. It was the only book in the series that I ever touched and truth be told I was rather disappointed that it didn’t explore the switch more in depth. I found the notion of becoming a girl very interesting and… I was afraid that if my mother discovered I was reading it, she would use it as ammunition against me (I didn’t exactly grow up in a very happy home).

I recall dreaming that I was a girl in my early years, though most of these memories are pretty vague, I do recall having them. To this day, I only recall one of them in much detail, and even then I only remember that it involved me wearing a dress and wig to church.

The problem is, I don’t really feel the level of dysphoria I’ve heard described by most trans-folk. Sure, I’d prefer to have been born female, but I don’t I hate my male body per se, I just feel like I should be female. There seems to be a disconnect from what my body is and what it feels like it should be, but it’s not a strong overpowering feeling. It’s just there.

I’ve written a number of stories with actual trans characters, (not just characters transformed into a female, but ones who felt they should have been one to begin with) and though I haven’t admitted it until now, these trans characters have really been allegorical for my own struggle to define my gender identity.

I have been speaking to a therapist on these matters, but at the moment I don’t feel it’s really helped me define where exactly I stand as far as being trans. Truth be told, if it came down to it I’m not really sure I’d want to transition, even if I were given the choice. I live in a very conservative area and I fear the effects such a thing would have on both my career and personal life. That being said, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I’m not going to be a woman in the real world, I can at least present as one online.

So as of this moment, I am no longer calling myself Daniel A. Wolfe, from this moment forward, I’d prefer you call me Daniela A. Wolfe and use female pronouns. My web address, danielawolfe.com actually works pretty well with the new shift, though I do need to do a little feminine flair in light of this change. Certainly my site logo and description need a little updating, but I think I may actually throw in a splash of pink to the site design to celebrate.

I don’t know where this journey will take me, but I hope I’m on the right path.

As always have a delightfully demented night,

Daniela A. Wolfe

The Fall of Kruhl | Ch 13 Pt 1

AEGIS Seal

Official Report
3412 Abby Ln
Tondzaosha, Idaho

A long soft sigh escaped Amelia’s lips. Birdsong wafted in from out of the darkness and she jerked upright, eyes wide and hands sliding over her belly. She panted, scanning the tiny room, before swallowing and pursing her lips.

Where was she?

Light spilled in from a small window adjacent to the bed atop which she rested and she peered through it. A large elm’s branches spread out into the sky, blocking her view of most of the street beyond.

“Oh thank god,” a voice said from the doorway and Amelia’s head jerked sideways to face the newcomer.

Amy blinked, watching the blond girl, unable to look away. “Ashley, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Well,” Ashley grinned leaning against the door frame one hand on her hip. “It’s nice to see you too.”

The agent released a lengthy breath and let out a low throaty chuckle with a slow shake of her head. “I mean, it is a relief to see a familiar face, I just didn’t expect you to be here.”

“How did I—” Amy stopped looking around the room.

“Get here?” Ashley finished folding her arms across her chest. “It’s a long story, but the short answer is I found you and brought you here.”

Amelia arched an eyebrow. “And the long answer?”

The younger woman pursed her lips, stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.

“Probably best if no one else heard this,” she winced and ran a hand through her shock of flaxen hair. She moved across the room, sat beside Amelia on the bed, placing a hand on the agent’s knee. Then with a long release of air she spoke. “I guess I should start by telling you that Sapphira’s in the hospital.”

That caught Amy’s attention, she regarded the other woman, eyes going wide. “What?”

“She collapsed a several days ago, after taking a call from an Idaho area code. And before you ask, I don’t know what’s wrong with her. Nobody does. I wish I had better news.”

Amelia pressed her lips together and bowed her head. A tear ran down her cheek, but she wiped it away before peering back up at her companion.

“Probably, the work of one of our friends,” the agent said with a slight quiver in her voice. “I have reason to suspect there’s a mole inside AEGIS, they were probably afraid Sapphira would come to my rescue when I disappeared.”

Or else raise hell if I turned up dead. Amelia added, but didn’t trust herself to voice that notion.

Her heart ached at the image of Sapphira sitting inert in a hospital bed somewhere. Throughout this entire ordeal she hadn’t once considered trying to contact her partner. Why was that? She swallowed reflecting back to Ashtar’s warning that she was being influenced and tasted bile in her throat. Maybe, Leoffa had influenced her in more ways than one.

“Shit,” Ashley cursed. “I was afraid it was something like that.”

“Tell me the rest,” Amelia said biting the inside of her cheek.

Ashley did, apprising her of her travels to Tondzaosha, witnessing the police taking her into custody and everything from there up to finding Brian van den Broeke trapped within his strange luminescent prison. She would have continued, but caught a gleam in Amelia’s eyes and paused, regarding her friend, eyebrows furrowed.

Amelia didn’t speak, instead thinking back to when she’d reached into Leoffa’s mind. There had been a brief flash and images very like those described by Ashley. There must be some connection.

“What happened after that?” Amelia asked, stroking her chin, her lips pressed in a thoughtful expression.

“Well, I tried for a good thirty minutes to reach him, and then… well, things got even stranger…

“Okay, that’s not working.”


Ashley threw a fist out in frustration. It impacted the space above Brian van den Broeke and a dull metallic thud sounded.


“Perhaps, you should hit it again, miss. I’m sure it will work better the fourth time.” Nabu’s voice intoned in her ear.


Ashley growled under her breath, but didn’t dignify him with a reply. Instead she turned away and clenched her eyes releasing a steady breath. “I don’t suppose you have any ideas, Nabu, do you?”


“No, miss, this is quite beyond my area of expertise.”


“I hate to say this, but if there’s nothing I can do here, it may be time to—”


“Miss, as loath as I am to interrupt, I am detecting a spike in energy readings.” Nabu spoke, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Perhaps you may wish to give it another look.”


Ashley spun around as a high-pitched screech rang through the air. The lights above Brian‘s inert form pulsated and intensified and he sat bolt upright…


“Andy!” He screamed the name, repeating it over and over, hands clutching the side of his head.


The lights swirled faster and faster, growing so bright that Ashley winced and brought a hand up to shield her eyes. A whoosh of air blew into her and she braced herself as a surge of energy cascaded out in every direction. The illumination grew so intense that she closed her eyes and averted her gaze.


Once her vision cleared, she lowered her hands and moved toward Brian. He watched her approach with wide eyes.


“Impostor, betrayal… sword. Blood gushing.” He mumbled peering past Ashley’s armored form almost as if she were not even there.


He hugged his knees and rocked back and forth, several long sobs escaping his lips. “She will die.”


“Who?” She demanded, her voice coming out as a low guttural growl through the suit’s voice changer.


He didn’t answer, instead he threw his head back and a raw, wheezing manic laugh sounded from his mouth. “The one who was king… her blood everywhere,” he mumbled. “My brother who’s now my sister. Times ticking… ticking… out through the window…”


“Fuck.”


Ashley didn’t hesitate. She lurched forward, armored form shooting through the bedroom window, glass shattering and cascading across the front lawn in her wake. Heart hammering in her chest, her destination already in mind, she shot into the open sky above. She couldn’t say why, but she was certain that he’d been speaking of Amelia. It sounded like the ravings of a madman, but somehow she understood that the danger was real.

“You just left Brian there?” Amelia cut in her disbelief reflected in her emerald eyes.

“I freaked out…” Ashley grimaced one hand kneading the back of her neck. “I didn’t stop to reflect, I just acted.”

“If it makes you feel better, I came back for him after. He was still there, at least in the physical sense, but mentally… Well, let’s just say he’s a few bricks short of a load.”

Amelia’s lips trembled and a sob escaped her lips. “All because that woman was trying to get to me.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes and regarded her blond friend who was now shedding a few tears of her own.  When the agent spoke her voice trembled. “So? I guess you found me.”

Ashley nodded, swallowing hard. “Uh, yeah. I figured since the police had you, you’d probably be at the station, and sure enough that’s where you and the girl were, unconscious in a pool of blood. Shit, I thought you were dead. After I went back for your brother, I brought everyone here.”

“Kruhl?” Amy asked, but her friend just blinked. The agent sighed, closed her nice and massaged her temple. “The short blond woman.”

“Oh! She’s fine, I think. She hasn’t woken up yet. There was blood all over her when I happened upon you guys, but I couldn’t find any cuts or scrapes, I guess none of it was hers.”

“And Brian?” Amelia asked staring back at her swallowing hard.

“Asleep, last I checked.” Ashley brushed the hair away from her face. “And there’s something else…”

Amy gaze intensified her eyes boring holes into the other woman. “Um, I didn’t know any safe places… and who to trust. I didn’t even know what was wrong with you so I, uh…” she trailed off wincing under the scrutiny of her friend’s gaze.

“You what?” Amy asked a sinking feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

“I worried you would need medical attention and since the files Malcolm gave me said your mother was a nurse…”

“Oh, god,” Amelia sighed glancing around. “Don’t tell me this is her place.”

“No! Actually,” Ashley jerked her head from side to side. “But she’s here. She said this place belonged to a friend.”

Amy sighed and gritted her teeth. Just when she thought things couldn’t get any worse, her mother gets thrown into the mix.

Oh hell.

 

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